the hypo series

felt the body amped up with adrenaline

started pushing self to go further, beyond its limits.

a new achievement was reached

and all of a sudden everything started crashing.

felt like a drunkard and was struggling to stay conscious.

it was the worst i have experienced.

never again i shall go pushing my limits without "u" near me.

painful lesson learnt

that was the first hypo of the day

had more hypos throughout the whole entire night

even divine got worried, she had to check on me every 30mins.

at the end, i got too tired and stressed out

ribena and glucose tabs weren't doing its magic

therefore, i started munching on handful of pretzels aka carbs

woke up feeling like crap, and the bg was only 6.7 despite the amount of carbs i ingested

had lunch, then head back home to nap as the whole body craves for sleep and rest

went to bed feeling like crap too

woke up feeling crappier

divine brought some food for me

but did not had the appetite to down anything

till the bg hits 2.8

the body kicked into survival more, i was one damn freaking hungry girl

downed the porridge and choc bun divine brought me

i then decided to head over to divine's place as i was feeling unsafe being home alone

on the way, i bought and ate a double cheese burger, a big mac, and tons of fries

that was how hungry i was

the sugars creeped up to 9.9 then to 10.7

took some insulin

bg still going up, 12

took a lil more insulin

bg went back down to 10.6

not gonna take any extra insulin

not wanting to face another hypo while sleeping

i need quality sleep

gonna log off and head to bed soon

might go jogging tomorrow morning

need to clear the mind from the series of hypos

and also it would be good to get some fresh air

peace out

xoxo

D23

current bg 8.8

frustration

this blog

is a place for me to pour my diabetes frustration

i really do wanna share my disease with more people but i do not want to see them hurt

especially the king and queen, i could not bare to watch them watch me jab or prick myself or tell them how crappy i feel during hypos or hypers

it is hard to hold my hypo and hyper frustration

but it is harder to watch them worry about me

life is hard as a diabetic

harder when one feels alone

i thank lord everyday for divine

i dare say, thanks to divine, life ain't that hard

xoxo

D23

exercise + hypos

been trying to fit as much exercise as i can into my weekly routine

trying be healthy and also trying to prolong any complications that i am bound to face in the future

i love my kidneys, eyesight, heart, lungs, limb, everything!~

and also i wanna live long enough to see everyday

exercising was great, it acts as my "alone time" too

it gave me time to ponder about life while listening to music and breathing in fresh air

but it did a toll on me

first was the scary increase of hypos i have been experiencing at night

second was the first super bad hypo i felt while exercising

i started reducing my insulin glargine

then reducing my carbs:insulin aspart ratio

started checking my sugar levels more

and finally i had to start bringing glucose with me when i exercise and also to have a pack of ribena by my bed side just incase i wake up with a hypo

i have to thank lord that i have not had any super major hypo incidents

and i'm taking all precautions to not fall into the pit

i do wear a medical alert bracelet to notify people if i do blackout or seize

and i always tell divine when i'm gonna go for a jog or if i'm feeling off

xoxo

D23

divine

i have to thank lord for the all the blessings

and the ultimate gift

"Divine"

my rock

my warmth

my fire

my everything

no matter how low or how dark it is

divine is definitely there to bring me light

to pull me up

to hug me tight

to give me security, making me feel safe

D, if u ever read this

i do not know how can i ever thank you

xoxo

heart u

D23

of wishes

a little by little

i start pouring my feelings and memories

feeling pretty darn lonely in this "dark room" now

at this very moment where i wish there would be someone by my side

assuring me everything would be alright

allowing me to slump into their arms and hear their securing voice

feeling emo

D23

getting to know deeper and sharing it

when i was younger, i did not understood diabetes, nor did anyone around me really did

the adults think that they got the whole diabetes nailed down

but instead of telling me that it would be alright

they gave me the whole illusion that my life is gonna end if i had sugars or carbs

they flashed me with terror

fear of gangrene, kidney failure, infection, going blind etc etc etc

all day i'm hunted by nightmares

at first i was angry and i questioned "why me"

it even reached a point where i gave up in life

i was grateful that someone came in time to save me

as i grew, i started educating myself

reading more and more about diabetes

trying to understand diabetes

till today everyday is a learning step for me

i would share what i have learnt to anyone who wants to learn

i would be there for you to tell you everything would be alright

to be the person that you can fall to

the person that would understand the pain you are going through

just to tell and remind you, you are not alone

xoxo

D23

23 year old living with diabetes and feeling lonely

i been through a lot with diabetes

it has never been easy for me, i struggle everyday

it makes life a lot harder when i feel like i'm the only one with diabetes

through this blog, i hope for another person with diabetes to stumble upon

to share with me their experience

to be friends

and probably meet up one day

to date, i have never met anyone around my age with diabetes here in Kota Kinabalu

hoping that one day i would, and to be friends with

xoxo

feeling sweeter than most people out there

D23